I can't believe that 305 days have passed since the passing of my sweet baby brother, Gregory James. It really has been a whirlwind of a season. The dust is finally "settling" and our new reality is seeping in. I can say that my faith has deepened but the questions continue to grow- and you know what? That. Is. Ok. God can handle my questions. God can handle my anger. God can handle anything because He is God. He is all powerful. He is all knowing. He is in control and I believe that with every fiber of my being. I know that His ways are higher than mine. I know that we are victorious in the end because of what Jesus did on the cross for each. and. every. one. of. us. There is not a day that goes by where I do not sit and reflect on this year and how much I miss my brother. I know I am abundantly blessed by family and friends who are journeying this with me every day. Without the support and listening ear of those people...who knows where my mental state would be. Each day that I sit and reflect on this new reality that my family faces, I can't help but think of what it would be like to lose a child. To lose the sound of their voice. To lose the warmth of their embrace. To lose the conversations. To lose the memories. To lose the "I love you's". To miss the past. To lose the future. It seems unfathomable. In those moments of reflection, my parents come to the front of my heart and mind. They are living this "unfathomable loss" every. single. day. They wake up with that weight. They go through the day with that longing to go back when he was here. They end the day with that realization that, God willing, they have to do it all over again tomorrow. I am amazed by their faith and trust in God during the last year. My dad continues to cling on the Lord and proclaim His truth's over his life! Praise God. My mom has embraced the community of other moms who are living her same reality and they have loved her so well. She has pressed forward every day and our relationship has grown so so much. My mom has been so vulnerable in these grief groups, counseling, etc. and for that, I am so proud of her. Satan is NOT winning. I know that the enemy saw when our world came tumbling down and was ready to keep it in that place but GOD. WILL. NOT. LET. THAT. BE. We are victorious through Him and Him alone. Praise be to God. Thank you, Jesus for your constant provision over our family. Even in the darkest of times, you continue to amaze us by Your faithfulness. As we enter this holiday season and continue to run into the "firsts" of the rest of the year we are determined to keep our focus on Jesus. Without Him, we are nothing. I know that the holidays are going to be tough. We are going to cry. We are going to need moments to ourselves to process. We are also going to laugh! We are going to enjoy the time we have together. God gave us that time and it is precious. The holiday season can stir up many emotions for whatever season you are in. I urge you to stop. Look around you. What is happening? Who is around? Be thankful. Encourage someone. Spend time with those who mean the world to you. We aren't promised tomorrow and life is so precious- even when it is hard and dark. God has something to give you this season, you just need to look around you to see what that is. His love endures forever. His mercies are new each morning. All of that to say, thank you for all of your love, support, hugs, texts, calls, cards, etc. during the last 305 days. These are just some truths that God has shown me. I hope it encourages someone, somewhere.
In Him Alone,
L
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