Each year, I try and have intentional prayer time to reflect on the year and look ahead on the coming year. I look at what God did. I look at how I grew. I look at how I stumbled and struggled. I just take some inventory to reflect on. December 2018, I heard God speak to my soul, "Peace". I was so STOKED on that. FINALLY! Peace. I love that word. I love that feeling. We all love peace. Who likes turmoil? I would hope that would be no one. I let it sink in. We had our house, we had our little family, of course 2019 would be the year of peace.
January 5, 2019 changed that word for the year. God did speak "peace" to my heart over 2019- but it wasn't the 'peace' I was thinking of. It wasn't going to be this perfect, peaceful, blissful year. It was God saying that HE was going to be the PEACE I needed this year with the loss of Gregory. He would be the constant peace in my soul to settle me and put my worries at ease. I am grateful for that word over this last year because I truly did experience God's peace in a whole new way.
December 2018 was THE BEST. It was our first Christmas with Mia. It was our first California Christmas as a family. It was a time with ALL of our family together. It was a time when Mia met so many people for the first time. It was a Christmas with Gregory home.
I talk about the passing of my brother a lot because that is such a real and present season.
I never thought for a second that it would be our last Christmas with Gregory, but little did we know- life was going to change in just 11 days. God was taking us into a valley season. He was growing us. He was nurturing us. He was teaching us. He was being the great Father that He is. Praise God for that. It was hard but man- what a year of growth for so many reasons. Gregory would be proud.
The last few weeks, I did the same tradition and just spent some time reflecting. I felt that God put two words on my heart for 2020. Challenge and Discipline.
I love discipline. I love challenging myself but why now? I am in a super busy season of life that I do not have all of the freedom and time in the world to challenge myself and stay super disciplined.
What a perfect time for God to grow me in these ways.
I am trusting that what He started, He will complete.
He is a good, good Father.
I want this year to grow me in new ways. I want to walk out of 2020 proud of what God did. I know it will be hard. I know there will be dark days, but I also know that there will be days of laughter and joy. That is life. It is balancing it all. It is taking the good with the bad. It is knowing that I have Jesus as the Lord of my life and no matter what comes my way, He is victorious.
Thank you, Jesus.
-L
